The Day You Were Born - Part 9 - The Exercise Ball

Hammy,

As your dad stood in the hospital lobby waiting for me to reveal my big idea for getting my labor moving faster, I thought about some of the crazy things women do to get thier labor going. And I even thought about how I took matters into my own hands and how I was about to do that again.

Here's what some pregnant women do:

Some eat spicy Mexican food.

And some drink weird teas.

Some might even get someone to massage their big swollen unmanicured feet connected to thier lovely large cankles.

And others even drink castor oil.

Ham - I didn't do any of those things. The thought of the effects of very spicy Mexican food, nasty teas, and castor oil made me tremble with fear. Also I didn't want anyone near my cankles and horribly unmanicured toes.

Here's what I did do.

Two or three weeks before my due date, I decided to go have a lovely dinner with two of my co-workers. It was kind of like a bon voyage and a cheers to me and my baby all wrapped up in one.

When the waitress walked up to take our drink order, my co-workers ordered.....watermelon snowballs. They looked over at me and shrugged thier shoulders. I couldn't have a watermelon snowball because my doctor said absolutely not.

Anyway I ordered a big glass of water instead. The waitress couldn't tell I was pregnant because I still had my coat on so I revealed my big old belly to her and shook my head....no watermelon snowballs for me.

"You're pregnant?!" She exclaimed.

Yes mam, I am. It was either that or I swallowed a bowling ball.

And then this started the usual question/answer session you have when you are a woman, which you aren't, and you are this far along in your pregnancy.

And of course the conversation went just where I suspected it would go. You see she had a baby too not too far back and she was just dying to tell me....

"Well if you want to know how I got myself to go into labor...."

And even if I didn't want to know. Even if I thought, 'Hey I'll just leave this up to the man upstairs.' It didn't matter, because I became a file cabinet full of every crazy and hookie way to jump start labor.

So okay, here's what she said.

"You know those exercise balls?"

And I said "Uh, huh."

And she said, "I just bounced on one of those balls, every day for hours and pretty soon I went into labor. It was the fastest, easiest labor ever."

I just sat there blinking, wishing I had a watermelon snowball to wash that mental picture down.

But I didn't ham.

Do you know what happened?

I thought about. I didn't want to. But I did. I couldn't help it.

I actually thought about it.

I thought.....who do I know that has an exercise ball?

I went home and I googled a video of a woman- very pregnant -bouncing on an exercise ball. If I was going to do this I wanted to do it right.

And as my due date rapidly approached and the thought of being pregnant forever and ever and ever loomed heavy on my mind, the more desperate and crazy I became.

Crazy enough to consider something I might have dismissed altogether.

So Ham, I went straight to your Maw Maw's and Pop's house because I knew for a fact they had one perfectly useful labor inducing exercise ball.

I threw open the front door of thier house and said "Mom, I need your exercise ball."

Your Maw-Maw knew I was up to no good. She tried to talk some sense into me. But, Ham, you have one hard headed Momma.

I did it. I bounced on the exercise ball. That day and the day after and day after that.

And pretty soon I had some real sharp pains and I could almost barely walk....so I stopped.

But Ham, I knew it worked.

And that's not the only thing I tried, Ham.

Here's what I was about to do.....

Thanks!!

I just want to say -

Thank you! and....a big high five!

I am happy about all the people who have started "following" my blog! I can't believe we are at 13 members so far. That's seems like a lot to me considering I had maybe 5 a few months back. All the sweet comments and the "likes" on facebook have meant a lot to me too! So a big thank you!

Almost finished with our current story!

:)!

The Day You Were Born - Part 8 - A Trip Down Memory Lane

We decided there was really no time for a truck wash at the moment and continued our trek through the hospital.

Walking down the empty corridors of the hospital and in between contractions, I asked your dad to tell me any of his stories.

"Tell me one of your stories, Mr. Yardbird."

"You know just about all of them." He said.

My contractions were growing stronger and every few minutes I had to grip the wall or your daddy's arm for support until they passed. I needed something to get my mind off of it. Something to lighten the mood a bit.

"I don't care. I need a distraction.... I don't care if I've heard it before." I said.

Ham, we've been together for a while, almost six years, and because of this we knew just about every story about each other. The good thing about your dad and I is that even though we know we've heard a story before, we act like it's the first time. There's something really nice about revisiting your old stories and something even better about knowing that someone else wants to hear them.

So your dad started one for me and when he finished it up. I gave him a look like, "Okay and another one, please." We traveled back in time to the days before your daddy and me. To times when we were a lot younger, a little more reckless, when we were just leaves in the wind.  And every time he got to an exciting part he would rev up his nose with his hand like he was trying to jump start an engine. You know what I mean.

We revisited our high schools days and we talked about our college ones too. And eventually we got to the part about us.

We laughed at how far we had come from where it all started and we smiled because we never imagined it would end up here walking around an empty hospital waiting on you, Hammy. God has a funny way of making things happen.

We circled around the hospital, up and down the stairs and through the hallways. We paused when the pain was too great and we continued when it subsided.

And before we knew it, two hours had passed. It was time to go back up to the triage to see how far we had gotten.

"Do you think we are where we need to be?" I asked your dad.

"Do you?"

"I don't know. I sure hope so," I said.

Honestly, I couldn't see how walking around the hospital could make things progress any further than they had already. Turns out I was wrong about that.

Just to be sure, I had one last brilliant idea that I just knew would seal the deal.

The Day You Were Born - Part 7 - Your Chariot Awaits

I wiped the ham sandwich crumbs off my face and gave your dad the best "I'm sorry but I can't help myself" face. We made our way to the hospital lobby and decided where to begin our treck.

"Let's walk up those stairs and around the second floor, then we can come back down and walk down the halls." Your dad nodded his weary head and off we went.

Suddenly a lightbulb went off in your dad's head that sent a surge of energy through him. He turned to me and said, "Do you think we have time to get my truck washed."

"What?" I was not amused.

"I bet we have time. They told you to come back in two hours and that's plenty of time to find a carwash, get the truck cleaned up, and be back here."

"I don't think that's what they meant." I said. "I don't think they meant ride around in a truck, go through a car wash, and poof your baby's ready to come out."

Your dad couldn't hide his disappointment.

And that's when I realized what this was really all about.

Ham, it wasn't about which parking spot the truck was parked in, whether it was parked perfectly straight and it wasn't about how spic and span the truck was either.

It was about you.

Your dad was worried about what you might think of him if his truck wasn't in a prime spot, was dirty and parked crooked.

No son of your dad's was going to go home from the hospital in a situation like that.

This, Hammy, is only one of the reasons why you have such a great dad.

A Couple of Yardbirds - Part 6 - Ham Sandwich

Once we were in the hospital we headed straight for the labor and delivery section.
There wasn't a soul in the main part of the hospital and it was kind of nice because we  didn't have to push through people to get where we needed to go.

We were sent into a triage were they would check everything out before sending us to the room I would end up having you in. For the next two hours doctors checked on me and three other pregnant women who were in the same boat.

Your dad took this opportunity to doze in and out of sleep. In between Zzz's, he would jump up to ask me if I was feeling okay, rub my arm, and tell me I looked like a robot hooked up to all those machines like that.

"Well it looks like everything is moving right along." The doctor told us. "But we would like to see a little more progress before we send you in to have the baby."

Progress? Weren't we already, there?

He gave us three options, Ham.

He could induce me. And I said heck no to that.

We could go back home, walk around alot and then come back in two hours.

Or, we could walk around the hospital for two hours.

Your dad, as exhausted as ever, and I asked if we could privately discuss the only two options we'd consider.

First we considered going home.

In my mind - and maybe this because I saw some couple doing this on a baby story on TLC - I pictured us strolling around our neighborhood, hand in hand. Your dad encouraging me, patting me on the back. And me, I would be beaming with excitement. Contraction, what contraction?

In your dad's mind - maybe I can catch some snooze on the sofa while Mrs. Yardbird walks up and down the street in front of our house.

Did we forget it was 3 o'clock in the morning?

We did.

After spending almost two hours in the triage it was now almost 3 am. Walking around our neighborhood at 3 in the morning was out of the question. Yes, in some ways our neighborhood was the closet thing to Mayberry this city had, but we needed to be realistic.

So when we both finally realized it was not a good idea, we opted for the less scenic route - the hospital.

Before I gathered my big belly to begin our hospital walkabout,  I turned to the nurse and said....

"I'm starving. I know you won't let me eat but....I don't know if I can make it." And I tried to give her my very best puppy eyes so that she would take pity on me.

It worked. And a few minutes later she produced a hospital made.....ham sandwich.

Ham, I hate ham.

Not you, the meat.

Of all the meats in America, it had to be a ham sandwich. I tried to look thrilled over my ham sandwich.

"Oh wow! Thanks." I forced a smile.

As soon as she left I looked at your father and shrugged. Beggers can't be choosers, I thought.

"Do you want to half that with me." Your dad asked. Your poor dad was hungry too.

"Sure." And as I handed him his piece I somehow enhaled mine.

Let me tell you ham, that was the BEST ham sandwich I have ever had. If someone had bothered to tell me ham could be so great, maybe I would have given it a chance.

Your dad was just about to take a bite and noticed me staring at his half sandwich with crazy eyes.

"You want this?" Your dad was being polite when really he hoped I would say no.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I need it." I had no shame. I took food right out of your dad's hand. This man was exhausted, he was starving and yet, I did it anyway.

Ham, we all have moments we aren't proud of.

The Day You Were Born - Part 5 - The Art of Good Parking

So after your dad and I left  McDonalds, we headed straight for the hospital.

The hospital we chose to have you at wasn't one that was real close to our house. On a good day it took thirty minutes to get there. On a day filled to the brim with traffic, it could easily take an hour.

Your daddy and I were super nervous about this because along with the thought that there could be lots of traffic on the way to the hospital....it was also Mardi Gras time. This terrified your dad. In his mind, he pictured himself having to be the one who had to deliver you in the car behind a Mardi Gras barcade as the floats went by.

But none of these things were issues on the way to the hospital that night, because there were no parades and no traffic after midnight. There wasn't even anyone on the road.

But because we had all these worries before you were born, we tried a few practice runs to see how fast we could get to the hospital and if your dad could remember how to get there. For some reason he just never could.

On that night, I wasn't worried, because the last few times we went to the hospital your dad had done just fine.

So I settled in my seat and flipped the sun visor mirror down so I could apply some powder, some blush and while I was at it - mascara.  When I finished up I flipped the mirror up and settled back in my seat. And that's when I realized it.

"Wait a minute....where are we?"

And your dad said "Oh I took the  *** exit."

"You took the *** exit?"

"Yep."

"Why would you do that?"

"That's the way we go"

"Um, no it's definitely not."

Yep, in your dad's haste to get us to the hospital, he took the wrong exit completely. And so between three minute contractions I became the GPS woman but with slightly huffier tone until we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

And because it was after midnight we had more than our pick of parking spots.

"That one right there is fine." I said.

"No hold on...." Your dad's eyes scanned for a better parking spot...

There were rows and rows of empty parking spots.

"What about that one?"

"No....." His voice trailed off.

I gave him a real hard look. "What's wrong with that one?" But he ignored me.

"This one, this is the one." He pulled into a spot.

Just as I was about to unlatch my seat belt....he backed the truck up.

And then he pulled it back in.

I went back to unlatching my seat belt......and he backed the truck up again.

And he pulled it right back in again.

I looked at him like he had four heads.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just want to get it straight."

"I'm pretty sure it's straight."

Ham, it could have been parked sideways for all I could have cared, the only thing I was thinking about was you and those hamburgers I couldn't eat.

So we finally got out of the truck. Your dad grabbed my bag and we started to walk across the parking lot. The whole time we were walking your dad kept glancing back at his truck.

"I sorry, I gotta....I'll be right back."

And your dad for Lord only knows what reason ran back over to his truck and backed his truck up and straightened it ...... two more times!

Hammy, I have no idea what in the world that was about but what I did notice was....

"Is that our cheeseburgers...." I pointed down to the ground. Underneath the back wheel of the truck was the remains of our smashed up cheeseburgers.

Before you go thinking that your dad is this big time litterer. I'll just say, I don't think your dad was trying to litter at all. I'm not sure what his intentions were but somehow those cheeseburgers ended up behind the wheel of the truck and were rolled over multiple times as your dad straighten and restraightened and straightened his truck again.

But before I could give it much more thought we decided the truck was a straight as it would ever be and we headed into the hospital.

Go Saints!

I know we have a good thing going but we need to take a break to celebrate the Saints Game!

Here's a little guy who was pretty excited about it.....