In sickness and health, if he snores, you'll still love him....

When my husband I returned from our honeymoon in Italy, it was a time of true excitement. We were married and settling into our house and things were really looking up for us.

After a week and half out of the country I purposely took a day or two off to get our lives in some kind of order.  I spent our whole first day unpacking our wedding gifts and cleaning the living room of shreds of wrapping paper. Wrapping paper that had been thrown around the room in a "I'm going to unwrap all of our gifts" wedding night frenzy. I have some serious problems....

As the day went on I managed to find almost every shred of paper and a place for every gift. Finding a place for every gift was a miracle and I had to be inventive. Like, under the sofa, concealed under the coffee table, and my favorite -- under the kitchen table stacked in a tubberware box. In our sweet little 900 square foot home, storage is tricky, very tricky. And one day when we have a big home, It will be exciting to use all the cool things we're storing.

By the end of the day, it was finally looking more like our home.

I trusted that with all the hard work I did that day,  I would be exhausted enough to overcome jetlag and I would be back to my American schedule in no time flat.

But of course, as usual, I was wrong.

That night as my eyes drifted off into the lovely R.E.M. state of blissful sleep, my ears where jolted by a loud rattling noise.

Snake? You ask?

Nope.

Chainsaw?

Not ah.

No, the noise that persisted in a rhythmic consistency, was the lovely sound of earthshattering snores.

I gasped.

Jason snores?

I married someone who snores?

How could this be?

You are probably shaking your head. Saying to yourself, "She knew this. How could she not?"

I didn't. I swear.

So the real question is.....how did this happen. And is it that bad?

It is that bad. And I have no idea how it happened.

As I lay there counting sheeping, smacking my husband in the arm, and praying to God this was a one time thing. I ransacked my brain to come up with a solution to the problem. Because with every shove and every sheep and every prayer, there was no improvement.

Solution?

The Couch.

Off to the couch, I went. Dragging my pillow, my blanket, and Murphy. Because she shouldn't have to suffer through this either. Poor thing.

The next day as I was getting ready for work, Jason asked me what my problem was waking him up every five seconds the night before. 

I growled....something that sounded alot like, You SNORE.

Jason stood there shocked, "No I don't."

He didn't believe me. So it sounded a lot like I was crazy. And I was wondering if maybe I was.

But I wasn't because that night it happened again. And the next night and the night after that.

I googled. I was desperate. And do you know what I found?

Women who divorce their husbands over snoring.

Considering we had literally just taken our wedding vows. And even though I was sure snoring wasn't included in the "in sickness and health". I couldn't bring myself to do it.

So I bought some breathe right strips. 

Someone told me about them at the supermarket. Let's face it, I needed a remedy or I would never sleep again. And my back was sad from sleeping on the sofa.

That night I went home with my new solution to the problem.

"You are going to have to put this on your nose." I said, handing him the box of strips.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Carrie, I don't snore." 

I shot him a look like I haven't slept in a week and you better or else.

So we rigged his nose up with a breathe right strip.

And as I drifted off to sleep...all I could hear was him breathing.....

and a whistle that took the place of the snore. Like he was whistling a tune out of his nose.

And I thought, I can deal with a whistle. A whistle instead of a snore is good.

And as I thought that very thought...the whistle burst into a full fledged snore and it was over.

The next day I threw the strips away.

A few days later while at my parents house. I mentioned my lack of sleep and the snoring problem. And just as I had finished telling my dad that I was running out of solutions, he scurried into his room and in minutes produced a giant bag of ear plugs.

I realize now that this was for fear that I might return home.

I went home with my giant bag of those squishy ear plugs they give you in the airport. And decided to give it a try.

It worked for a few days. But the thing about those earplugs is that expand in your ear to insure that no sound gets in.

Great idea, for those people that designed them. But for me, this always happened at three in the morning and it made my ear feel like it was exploding. 

I was running out of options.

And then one day as I was wondering around in Wal-greens. My eyes locked on some plastic wax earplugs. Part of me knew those might work. But I couldn't bring myself to buy them. So many bad memories with those things.

You see, I was that kid with the tubes in her ears that had to wear those earplugs when I went swimming. And it might not have been bad if it were when I was a baby but I wore them until I was almost 12. And if that wasn't bad enough I wore a zoo printed yellow plastic swim cap that made me look like an alien. And might have been cool in the twenties but so not cool in the eighties......sigh.

I shuddered. 

I bought them.

and you know what? They worked.

I may be passed the zoo print swim cap, but I would be lying if I told you I don't feel a twinge of embarrassment jamming those earplugs in my ears every night.

But I know it's worth it. I know it's something I could live with, because I can't trade my husband in. 

Maybe snoring was part of the vows after all. :)