Family Portrait

A few days ago we attempted to take a family picture. I just knew it was a better idea for me to do it, rather than hire someone.

I was wrong.

First, there was the matching outfits. You know how everyone attempts to coordinate the colors. As an artist I should know how to do this. However, I spent most of my time circling Target with multiple shirts and outfits in my hands, scratching my head and wondering what the heck I was doing. 

There was also the small problem of we didn't have anyone to take the picture. But problem solved, I would buy a camera tripod to take the picture for us. Problem created, I accidentally bought a monopod instead. If someone could explain the purpose of a monopod, I would appreciate it. You sure can't stake it in the yard to take a family picture. I can tell you that.

Finally, there was the small issue of getting our family of four ready for the picture.

Timing - Do you do it before or after naptime? 

Before naptime and you risk a 3 year old "I'm tired" meltdown 

After naptime and you risk a 3 year old "I woke up on the wrong side of the nap" meltdown

After naptime it is. 

I dress our baby in a bright blue flapper onesie and then search the house for a our groggy just woken 3 year old. 

I try not to bend around too much in my clothes because I bought a shirt that wrinkles easily, not to mention makes me look more pregnant than I did when I was pregnant, but I'm not going back to the store so that settles it. 

When I find him, he's putting together the lego tractor with Mr. Yardbird that I bought as bribery when I returned the monopod for the tripod. 

"You know he can choke on these pieces," Mr. Yardbird tells me. 

I'm sure he could, but when he was on the edge of a meltdown I grabbed the first thing I could think to distract him at the store. I'll have to remind myself to hide it later.

I begin coaxing our 3 year old to change his clothes, but nothing works except for the promise of a bag of cookies. I sound like mom of year.

Then I herd our family out the door in the blazing heat to take our picture. 

But wait, Ham has no shoes on. 

"Don't worry about your shoes, you don't need them." I could care less about the shoes, lets get this over with.

Then sobs erupt from Ham about how he needs his Batman shoes and bunch of other things I can't understand because he's wailing.

I look at Mr. Yardbird and we shake our heads. This is a kid who we chase around the house and beg to put shoes on, now suddenly can not live without his Batman shoes.

Fine here's your shoes. 

Beads of sweat are forming on our heads and the camera's  not fitting on the tripod, because I accidentally bought a "travel" tripod. 

Camera switched out. More beads of sweat. 

Which button make the self-timer work and......

Viola.

Which felt more like this picture.