Year Two - October 23, 2011

Year two of our marriage was the funniest one yet,
There were moments plain silly that were hard to forget.
This year we welcomed Hammy our funny little man,
This year you bought Equate, Sam's Choice and store brands.

This year we ate yellow squash and spaghetti squash too,
We thought we were healthy if that's all we'd do,
We planted lots of plants, they died pretty quick,
Now we have a great garden with bunchs of sticks.

And this year it wasn't me who fell off of the bike,
After you screamed in the air that you loved married life,
No it was you as you passed that camera crew and the bride,
As they took her protraits on the levee outside.

More B movies we watched and I guess I'll admit,
That I might have liked them just a tiny little bit.
If you really must know I guess I realized,
They weren't that bad if I just closed my eyes,


There was the one with the man in a cliff his arm stuck.
And the cave divers in the cave when a hurricane struck.
And the people whose boat sank in the shark filled ocean,
The shark ate them up because they caused a commotion.


Every day we'd take a break and to relax you just knew
That I'd like watching eric forman and that seventies crew,
We watched every episode, one everyday
Until now we're almost finished and it's a sad thing to say.


And travel you did to India and back,
You ate lots of vegetables but the meat they did lack,
And the three of us skyped and we talked a whole lot,
They liked you so much there that you got a head dot.

And this year we had a sidekick who kept us up late,
and we learned how to hurtle over baby gates,
We learned to drink cold coffee, to eat with one hand,
And we jammed to baby music like a rock and roll band.


This year was kind of messy, sleepless, and crazy,
But I'm glad for it, really, and our goofy, fun baby.
I'm happy for year two with a man like you,
Because without you to laugh with, than what would I do?

Year One - Click Here

The Day You Were Born - Part 10 - Our Sidekick

So we were standing there, Hammy, thinking it was time to go back up to the baby birthing room and wondering if there was anything else we could do to get this going.

And then I remembered.

I couldn't remember where I saw it. Maybe I read it somewhere?

Who knows.

I looked at your dad and I said, "Hammy's Daddy, we need to get on the elevator."

"To go back to the triage?"

"No." I said. "To jump."

Your dad is such a good sport, Ham. You know why? Because even if your dad thought the idea was preposterous, he would never tell me that.

Instead your dad supported my arm as I wobbled my tired big body to the elevator.

"I don't remember if I saw this, or if I read it...." I rambled on "but I think some couple said they took the elevator to the highest floor and when they came back down, she jumped as high as she could. I think....I think it helped the baby get into position."

Your poor dad. He just smiled and nodded. Sure Mrs. Yardbird, sure.

I pushed the elevator button and up we went. And then I pressed the hospital lobby button and braced myself for a jump like no other. I guess in my mind, my body would miracously lift itself off of the ground like a basketball player's slam dunk and I would slam back down to the earth with such force the Earth would crack.

It doesn't work like that when you're pregnant.

Nope.... a little bitty hop was all I could muster.

Should we try it again?

No, Ham. Time was up.

It was time to go back.

After a long night of random adventures, your dad and I were ready to call it a night. It was morning time anyway.

It was your big day.

And as your dad and I made our way back, I replayed in my mind all the events that had transpired in the last 24 hours.

I thought about those kids I had gone to observe for school and that tiny chair that I had to sit on. I even thought about the kids that whispered behind my back and the one who confirmed I was indeed being bad mouthed.

And I smiled a little because it was funny.

I thought about how I managed to squeeze in a haircut while I was blissfully unaware that I was in labor.

And I smiled because that's something that would happen to me.

I thought about that potato soup your dad and I ate so calmly on the back porch, that horroble B Movie, Moon, your dad was watching and how I recorded my contractions in a word document. That is still saved on my computer to this day.

Ham, I even thought about that how I demanded to have McDonalds only to not be able to eat it and then have your dad run over it, over and over again with his truck in the parking lot.

And I shook my head, because your dad is so weird, sometimes. But he is ours, so I guess you and I will keep him.

And all those things made me realize that it was the perfect end to a great adventure with just me and your dad.

Your dad and I had been a great team.

Ham, it was time to move over and make room for one more sidekick in the Batmobile.

A sidekick we like to call Hammer.

And just a few short hours later, your proud daddy held you up in the air so I could see you. So I could catch a glimpse of the little guy who I was certain loved powdered doughnuts, kicking me in the ribs, and Jack Johnson songs. And at that moment a new adventure began for all three of us.

And of course no new adventure is complete without  a sparkling freshly cleaned truck, courtesy of your father who loves you a whole lot.


The End.

The Day You Were Born - Part 9 - The Exercise Ball

Hammy,

As your dad stood in the hospital lobby waiting for me to reveal my big idea for getting my labor moving faster, I thought about some of the crazy things women do to get thier labor going. And I even thought about how I took matters into my own hands and how I was about to do that again.

Here's what some pregnant women do:

Some eat spicy Mexican food.

And some drink weird teas.

Some might even get someone to massage their big swollen unmanicured feet connected to thier lovely large cankles.

And others even drink castor oil.

Ham - I didn't do any of those things. The thought of the effects of very spicy Mexican food, nasty teas, and castor oil made me tremble with fear. Also I didn't want anyone near my cankles and horribly unmanicured toes.

Here's what I did do.

Two or three weeks before my due date, I decided to go have a lovely dinner with two of my co-workers. It was kind of like a bon voyage and a cheers to me and my baby all wrapped up in one.

When the waitress walked up to take our drink order, my co-workers ordered.....watermelon snowballs. They looked over at me and shrugged thier shoulders. I couldn't have a watermelon snowball because my doctor said absolutely not.

Anyway I ordered a big glass of water instead. The waitress couldn't tell I was pregnant because I still had my coat on so I revealed my big old belly to her and shook my head....no watermelon snowballs for me.

"You're pregnant?!" She exclaimed.

Yes mam, I am. It was either that or I swallowed a bowling ball.

And then this started the usual question/answer session you have when you are a woman, which you aren't, and you are this far along in your pregnancy.

And of course the conversation went just where I suspected it would go. You see she had a baby too not too far back and she was just dying to tell me....

"Well if you want to know how I got myself to go into labor...."

And even if I didn't want to know. Even if I thought, 'Hey I'll just leave this up to the man upstairs.' It didn't matter, because I became a file cabinet full of every crazy and hookie way to jump start labor.

So okay, here's what she said.

"You know those exercise balls?"

And I said "Uh, huh."

And she said, "I just bounced on one of those balls, every day for hours and pretty soon I went into labor. It was the fastest, easiest labor ever."

I just sat there blinking, wishing I had a watermelon snowball to wash that mental picture down.

But I didn't ham.

Do you know what happened?

I thought about. I didn't want to. But I did. I couldn't help it.

I actually thought about it.

I thought.....who do I know that has an exercise ball?

I went home and I googled a video of a woman- very pregnant -bouncing on an exercise ball. If I was going to do this I wanted to do it right.

And as my due date rapidly approached and the thought of being pregnant forever and ever and ever loomed heavy on my mind, the more desperate and crazy I became.

Crazy enough to consider something I might have dismissed altogether.

So Ham, I went straight to your Maw Maw's and Pop's house because I knew for a fact they had one perfectly useful labor inducing exercise ball.

I threw open the front door of thier house and said "Mom, I need your exercise ball."

Your Maw-Maw knew I was up to no good. She tried to talk some sense into me. But, Ham, you have one hard headed Momma.

I did it. I bounced on the exercise ball. That day and the day after and day after that.

And pretty soon I had some real sharp pains and I could almost barely walk....so I stopped.

But Ham, I knew it worked.

And that's not the only thing I tried, Ham.

Here's what I was about to do.....

Thanks!!

I just want to say -

Thank you! and....a big high five!

I am happy about all the people who have started "following" my blog! I can't believe we are at 13 members so far. That's seems like a lot to me considering I had maybe 5 a few months back. All the sweet comments and the "likes" on facebook have meant a lot to me too! So a big thank you!

Almost finished with our current story!

:)!

The Day You Were Born - Part 8 - A Trip Down Memory Lane

We decided there was really no time for a truck wash at the moment and continued our trek through the hospital.

Walking down the empty corridors of the hospital and in between contractions, I asked your dad to tell me any of his stories.

"Tell me one of your stories, Mr. Yardbird."

"You know just about all of them." He said.

My contractions were growing stronger and every few minutes I had to grip the wall or your daddy's arm for support until they passed. I needed something to get my mind off of it. Something to lighten the mood a bit.

"I don't care. I need a distraction.... I don't care if I've heard it before." I said.

Ham, we've been together for a while, almost six years, and because of this we knew just about every story about each other. The good thing about your dad and I is that even though we know we've heard a story before, we act like it's the first time. There's something really nice about revisiting your old stories and something even better about knowing that someone else wants to hear them.

So your dad started one for me and when he finished it up. I gave him a look like, "Okay and another one, please." We traveled back in time to the days before your daddy and me. To times when we were a lot younger, a little more reckless, when we were just leaves in the wind.  And every time he got to an exciting part he would rev up his nose with his hand like he was trying to jump start an engine. You know what I mean.

We revisited our high schools days and we talked about our college ones too. And eventually we got to the part about us.

We laughed at how far we had come from where it all started and we smiled because we never imagined it would end up here walking around an empty hospital waiting on you, Hammy. God has a funny way of making things happen.

We circled around the hospital, up and down the stairs and through the hallways. We paused when the pain was too great and we continued when it subsided.

And before we knew it, two hours had passed. It was time to go back up to the triage to see how far we had gotten.

"Do you think we are where we need to be?" I asked your dad.

"Do you?"

"I don't know. I sure hope so," I said.

Honestly, I couldn't see how walking around the hospital could make things progress any further than they had already. Turns out I was wrong about that.

Just to be sure, I had one last brilliant idea that I just knew would seal the deal.

The Day You Were Born - Part 7 - Your Chariot Awaits

I wiped the ham sandwich crumbs off my face and gave your dad the best "I'm sorry but I can't help myself" face. We made our way to the hospital lobby and decided where to begin our treck.

"Let's walk up those stairs and around the second floor, then we can come back down and walk down the halls." Your dad nodded his weary head and off we went.

Suddenly a lightbulb went off in your dad's head that sent a surge of energy through him. He turned to me and said, "Do you think we have time to get my truck washed."

"What?" I was not amused.

"I bet we have time. They told you to come back in two hours and that's plenty of time to find a carwash, get the truck cleaned up, and be back here."

"I don't think that's what they meant." I said. "I don't think they meant ride around in a truck, go through a car wash, and poof your baby's ready to come out."

Your dad couldn't hide his disappointment.

And that's when I realized what this was really all about.

Ham, it wasn't about which parking spot the truck was parked in, whether it was parked perfectly straight and it wasn't about how spic and span the truck was either.

It was about you.

Your dad was worried about what you might think of him if his truck wasn't in a prime spot, was dirty and parked crooked.

No son of your dad's was going to go home from the hospital in a situation like that.

This, Hammy, is only one of the reasons why you have such a great dad.

A Couple of Yardbirds - Part 6 - Ham Sandwich

Once we were in the hospital we headed straight for the labor and delivery section.
There wasn't a soul in the main part of the hospital and it was kind of nice because we  didn't have to push through people to get where we needed to go.

We were sent into a triage were they would check everything out before sending us to the room I would end up having you in. For the next two hours doctors checked on me and three other pregnant women who were in the same boat.

Your dad took this opportunity to doze in and out of sleep. In between Zzz's, he would jump up to ask me if I was feeling okay, rub my arm, and tell me I looked like a robot hooked up to all those machines like that.

"Well it looks like everything is moving right along." The doctor told us. "But we would like to see a little more progress before we send you in to have the baby."

Progress? Weren't we already, there?

He gave us three options, Ham.

He could induce me. And I said heck no to that.

We could go back home, walk around alot and then come back in two hours.

Or, we could walk around the hospital for two hours.

Your dad, as exhausted as ever, and I asked if we could privately discuss the only two options we'd consider.

First we considered going home.

In my mind - and maybe this because I saw some couple doing this on a baby story on TLC - I pictured us strolling around our neighborhood, hand in hand. Your dad encouraging me, patting me on the back. And me, I would be beaming with excitement. Contraction, what contraction?

In your dad's mind - maybe I can catch some snooze on the sofa while Mrs. Yardbird walks up and down the street in front of our house.

Did we forget it was 3 o'clock in the morning?

We did.

After spending almost two hours in the triage it was now almost 3 am. Walking around our neighborhood at 3 in the morning was out of the question. Yes, in some ways our neighborhood was the closet thing to Mayberry this city had, but we needed to be realistic.

So when we both finally realized it was not a good idea, we opted for the less scenic route - the hospital.

Before I gathered my big belly to begin our hospital walkabout,  I turned to the nurse and said....

"I'm starving. I know you won't let me eat but....I don't know if I can make it." And I tried to give her my very best puppy eyes so that she would take pity on me.

It worked. And a few minutes later she produced a hospital made.....ham sandwich.

Ham, I hate ham.

Not you, the meat.

Of all the meats in America, it had to be a ham sandwich. I tried to look thrilled over my ham sandwich.

"Oh wow! Thanks." I forced a smile.

As soon as she left I looked at your father and shrugged. Beggers can't be choosers, I thought.

"Do you want to half that with me." Your dad asked. Your poor dad was hungry too.

"Sure." And as I handed him his piece I somehow enhaled mine.

Let me tell you ham, that was the BEST ham sandwich I have ever had. If someone had bothered to tell me ham could be so great, maybe I would have given it a chance.

Your dad was just about to take a bite and noticed me staring at his half sandwich with crazy eyes.

"You want this?" Your dad was being polite when really he hoped I would say no.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I need it." I had no shame. I took food right out of your dad's hand. This man was exhausted, he was starving and yet, I did it anyway.

Ham, we all have moments we aren't proud of.