It's been 6 months.

You are probably wondering, as I am too, where in the world have I been.

Lost in baby world.

As I sit here baking peaches -I'm seriously baking peaches right now - and pausing for a moment while my son sleeps soundly for naptime...I'm starting to wonder where have the last six months gone?

Baby world, that's where.

The first few months are tough to remember. This is what I do remember -

First two weeks - a nightmare
Next six weeks - a managable sometimes unmanagable nightmare
2 months into it - Okay it's managable.... no longer a nightmare
3 months - I think I could..... maybe one day...... I could maybe have more kids
4 months - This is really not bad. I definitely want more kids.
5 months - Man I love this kid.
6 months - Darn it, I want a million babies if they are half as great as this one.

Those first few months were certainly hard ones.

Because I have absolutely no shame, I'm
posting this picture of me only days after my
little guy was born. And yes, I am wearing a skirt
and pajama pants at the same time. No shame.

I wish someone would have mentioned that to me so I could have better prepared myself.

But they didn't.

Behind all of the well wishes and all of the smiles and nods, I never - not once - had anyone tell how hard of a job it would be.

Sure they said I wouldn't sleep. And they might have told me that I needed to rest up but never did they say I would be a complete wreck.

That I would be lucky if I could squeeze a shower in. And maybe a meal. That just as I would finally get the little guy to sleep, he would wake up minutes later screaming for his next meal.

They didn't say that in one moment you could be pooped on, then puked on and then turn around and spill coffee on yourself because you are so tired. So unbelievably tired. Exhausted.

They didn't tell me that I would never again drink a cup of hot coffee. That a cold cup of hours old coffee would be my friend.

They didn't say that I would cry a whole lot for no reason at all in those first few weeks or that I would want to kiss the ground my mom walked on because how in the world did she do this with four kids.

No one warned me that everyone and thier grandma's grandma will ask me if I was breastfeeding.

I'm serious about that.

The cook at my favorite breakfast joint, the cashier at the grocery store, and my mail woman in front of my friends. Or the random woman would taught me how to get a good latch on the nipple by demonstrating it with her hands while my husband's jaw drops in disbelief while sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office.

And know one ever tells you that if you breastfeed you're automatically inducted in some secret breastfeeding club and if you don't well.... shame, shame, shame on you. And you're not a member.

Nothing quite prepares you for any of that.

I remember the first time I went out of my house on my own. The first time I drove my car after having been cooped up in the house for weeks. My car felt so different. Like it was someone elses car. The old me. :) Receipts for tj max and marshalls sticking out from the sides of the seats and my drink I left in the cup holder from life before baby. It made me kind of sad. Never again would I jump up and take a run to the store grabbing just my keys and my wallet.

I drove over to Marshalls. Because that's what the old me would want to do. As I walked into the store I saw a woman with her two kids. I couldn't help but stare at them. She was dressed cute, her hair fixed, makeup on. Her two kids were neatly dressed and happy.

And all I could think was - How in the world does she do it? How does she dress both kids and herself and put makeup on and fix her hair and feed them and make sure she eats and put them in the car and take them out and......and then I stopped staring because it's rude and because it's probably creepy too.

And Marshalls? - It was different too. All I could think about was what my little man might need. I wasn't shopping for the home, wasn't shopping for me. All I could think about was him.

That's what I remember about those first few months. I don't think I have ever been such a mess in my whole life. Maybe it's a good thing no one really warned me.

And boy have I come a long way! In those six months of after birth shock I learned how to embrace the new me. The me with baby drool and spit up on my clothes. The me who might have time to fix my hair or might not, who may end up with a mom haircut afterall. You know what I mean. The me who  has to focus on moment to moment instead of making big plans. And you know what I'm okay with that because rollercoaster that is was, it was the best six months I have had yet.